Are you a People Pleaser? Do you find yourself always striving to meet other’s expectations of you? I bet there are some of you who don’t realize you are doing this, but you are living in a way that is costing you your life for the sake of achieving the approval from others. Doing this, whether we know we are or not, builds stress and leads to burnout because it is a never ending struggle. Obtaining other’s approval, all others, in every situation, is simply not possible. It’s a rat race that is costing lives. And we don’t owe anyone anything at the cost of our lives except for the Lord our God.
When we give of ourselves out of duty instead of love it becomes a burden and an emotional drain. It becomes hard to see ourselves as who we are, as ourselves, as individuals. Pleasing others and being afraid to show our true intentions is a facade that will not sustain us. Feelings of inadequacy arise, and we may feel used.
When we strive to live up to expectations at work, expectations of a spouse, family member, friends at the cost of ourselves we are giving those “others” a noble position in our lives. Those “others” are who we are serving. Those expectations become our idols. Your every thought and action is driven by achieving that expectation to get “other’s” approval. Consider the second commandment. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God…” Exodus 20:4-5.
In the New Testament He gives us the Greatest Commandment. He tells us, “Love the Lord God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30. And then, notice this, “The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’.
Just ponder that for a second.
To love your neighbor as yourself you have to know 2 things first. One; You have to know what love is and the only way we know what love is is to experience the love of Jesus Christ. He loves those who believe in him unconditionally. This agape love for us is a type of love our souls long for and we can be so grateful for His agape love for us. He loves us even though we stumble and falter and doubt. Thank you Lord Jesus for that! Agape love is one example of the love we should give. And that brings us to the second thing we must know; God’s agape love is the perfect example of the love we should give ourselves! Not only do we have to see and experience the true love of our Father but we have to be able to love ourselves in that way before we can love our neighbor as ourself. Though true agape love is very difficult for us mere humans, it is the type of love we should strive to give not only others, but ourselves first. It is an action. It is a love that is given without expectation in the face of faults and imperfections. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to fully loves ourselves in this way? What a world this would be….
So you can see how toiling our lives away for the sole sake of other’s approval is not what God is asking us to do. If we are not following what God has commanded us to do and we continue to serve others before serving Him, we will never attain contentment in this world.
I’d like you to take a moment to think about your situation. Are there expectations of others that you are spinning your wheels to meet and only feeling more and more incapable? Begin to pray. Pray for God’s love to shelter you and to teach you how to love yourself. Here are some places to begin.
We can look at the example Jesus set by his actions.
- Jesus spent time in prayer each day. Multiple times a day.
- Jesus found quiet places of solitude and spent time alone.
- Jesus spent time walking and doing physical activity, sometimes miles upon miles, each day.
- Jesus spent time helping others in need
- Jesus spent time with others who sought His grace and mercy.
Remember this: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?” 1 Corinthians 6:19. Treat yourself kindly, love yourself greatly so that you can honor God by loving others as you love yourself.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”